What do you want? A seemingly simple question that once answered can send us charging into goal setting, starting right now to reach that goal ASAP. How often have we done that only to peter out in the first couple of weeks, or days? Why is that? Maybe because after you ask yourself what you want, you should take a minute and ask yourself why you want it.

When you’re having trouble sticking with a goal get curious about why you set it in the first place. Determine its purpose, assure yourself that it’s in sync with your dreams and aspirations. When you can define what it’s success will mean to you, with proper preparation and execution, you’ll have a good shot at being able to maintain the momentum needed to reach that goal.

The SMART goal system is a well-established method for achieving goals. Its emphasis on strategic planning and taking actionable steps that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-Related is great for structuring your goal process. But launching into SMART before finding your why can be like trying to plan a road trip before you have the destination. You could get halfway there before you realize it’s not really where you want to go.

That’s where EI (Emotional Intelligence) comes in. When you begin your goal journey using EI, “the ability to manage both your own emotions and understand the emotions of people around you”, you can create a clear vision of where you’re going. Psychologist Dr. Daniel Goleman brought EI into the mainstream lexicon with his framework of five skills: Self-Awareness, Self-Regulation, Motivation, Empathy, and Social Skills. As Dr. Jeanne Segal, a pioneer in the field of EI writes: “Emotional intelligence helps you … achieve your career and personal goals, … connect with your feelings, turn intention into action and make informed decisions about what matters most to you.”

Implementing the EI skills as a preamble to the SMART system can elevate your goal process. Before using SMART to direct you through how to do it, use your EI to clarify why you’re doing it:

  1. Self-awareness: Understanding why you want to set a goal

Acknowledging your thoughts and feelings, your habits and behaviors, and being honest with yourself. Self-awareness gives you the power to recognize what it is you truly want and need and identify the goals that are genuinely aligned with who you are.

  1. Self-regulation: Understanding how you can achieve a goal

Managing reactive impulses, being flexible when conflicts arise and adapting to change are all a part of the goal-achieving process. Self-regulation is the practice of pausing to reset and redirect when setbacks and distractions occur so you can stay focused on your path.

  1. Motivation: Understanding what drives you to achieve a goal

Pursuing your goal with persistence despite no immediate external reward comes from a passion to fulfill your inner needs. That intrinsic motivation driven by genuine interest in the process can keep you moving forward like no deadline or societal pressure can.

  1. Empathy: Understanding who is a part of your goal

Creating a supportive space where everyone feels heard and valued is key when working collaboratively. Coming from a place of empathy, listening actively and considering the needs of others can bring all together in the pursuit of a common goal.

  1. Social Skills: Understanding where to find support for a goal

Building supportive networks, working with a coach who will keep you accountable, finding mentors for advice and feedback. Fostering social connections for guidance and encouragement can strengthen your commitment as you pursue your goal.

 

Using these EI skills to establish how you want your goals to look and feel can make you better equipped to get down to work on accomplishing them using the SMART system:

Specific – Use self-awareness to clearly define what you want to achieve and why it’s important to you:

  • How does this goal make me feel?
  • Am I being honest about my goal, or pursuing it to please others?
  • Do I get excited about the prospect of achieving my goal?

Measurable – Use self-regulation to track your progress by monitoring your feelings and making adjustments as needed:

  • How can I accept positive feelings as a measure of success?
  • What can I do to reframe when I’m feeling discouraged?
  • What coping methods can I use to help me stay focused?

Achievable: Use intrinsic motivation to set challenging and attainable goals that resonate with you:

  • Am I setting this goal from my why?
  • How does this goal connect with me emotionally?
  • Is this a goal I can go for without getting overwhelmed?

Relevant: Use empathy to honor the thoughts and feelings of others who are affected by your goal:

  • Am I respecting the needs of others as well as my own?
  • Am I actively listening to feedback and suggestions?
  • How can I build communal connection to achieve this goal?

Time-Related: Use social skills to enlist support with timelines, deadlines, and accountability:

  • Who’s best to help me stick with my goal?
  • Am I partnering for support in an emotionally healthy way?
  • How can I plan for check-ins to keep me on schedule?

Setting your goals with purpose using EI and setting them in motion with SMART could be the winning combination for success you’ve been looking for. But remember, change doesn’t happen overnight. Add a practice of self-compassion to help you concentrate on achievement over perfection and celebrate even the smallest of wins to further your resolve. Whatever you need to help keep you on point for creating a goal journey that’s meaningful, sustainable, and filled with joy.

 

If you’re thinking this is all way too much for you to take on that’s OK, because you don’t have to do it all at once or on your own. The route to realizing your goals is one best shared and The Recovery Coach NY is here to help. At RCNY we work with clients to support them in setting achievable goals and holding them accountable for their steps along the way. For information on how we can support you in realizing your dreams have a confidential conversation with Cindy via phone at 631-921-4085 or reach her directly via email here.

The Recovery Coach NY honors all paths of recovery with years of experience and a vast array of resources that encourage those in need find a way to a life of joy and purpose, providing solution-oriented actions that can begin to bring the peace you and your loved one seek. We offer Recovery Coaching, Mental Health Support & Coaching, Sobriety & Mental Health Companionship, Executive Function & Accountability Coaching, Academic Coaching & Scholastic Support, Safe Transport, Case Management, Psychedelic Integration Coaching, Intervention and Emergency Services. For more information about our services, visit our website.

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