We all make mistakes. Making all kinds of choices every day, from the mundane to the monumental, kind of makes it impossible not to. There is, however, a choice guaranteed to be a good one: the choice to forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made.
Choices create change and sometimes the decisions we make, no matter how well-intentioned, result in everything going wrong. It’s normal, it happens, and it can fill us with regret. When we think of forgiving, forgiving ourselves should be at the top of the list. Self-forgiveness is mental health self-care, a way to reduce the anxiety and boost the lagging self-esteem that can come with making mistakes so we can carry on.
Learning how to forgive yourself is a journey through acknowledging past mistakes, allowing yourself to accept them without judgment, and being open to stepping onto a path of learning and growth:
- Acknowledge and Accept
Taking that first step can be the hardest and this one is big. Accepting responsibility, putting your hand up and admitting “That was my mistake” takes guts, and self-compassion. Instead of labeling yourself as less than, reframe so you think of it in terms of being human. You are not the worst thing you’ve done.
- Consider The Cause
What was it that led you to the choice that resulted in undesirable circumstance? Was your decision made out of stress, fear, a knee-jerk trauma response? Gaining a non-judgmental understanding of why can help shift guilt and shame to the gentler perspective that you could have done better, and that you can do better in the future.
- Feel Your Feelings
You feel terrible and you don’t know what to do about it. Identifying your emotions can help reduce their intensity so stop, take a breath, and allow yourself to feel them. This is important because when left untethered negative feelings can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance misuse or excessive screen time in an effort to avoid them.
- Show Yourself Compassion
Feeling your feelings is not easy. If you have a tendency to get caught up in an inner dialogue of self-criticism, changing that to words of self-kindness is a crucial step as you travel the road of self-forgiveness. Show yourself the compassion you would show a friend and say to yourself it’s OK, I’m OK, I’m going to get through this.
- Learn & Grow
It’s tempting to wallow in what you did wrong. Seeing mistakes as growth opportunities turns them into learning opportunities. Instead of asking yourself why did I do that, ask what did that teach me? This change in mindset from regret to curiosity can help steer you toward making wiser decisions in the future.
- Let Go & Go Forward
The essence of self-forgiveness is choosing to release the burdens of the past so you can focus on where you’re going instead of where you’ve been. But convincing yourself you’re worthy of forgiveness can be a challenge. When you find yourself reverting to an old way of thinking, try doing a self-forgiveness breathing meditation instead:
Sit or lie down in a quiet space and close your eyes. Inhale slowly, hold and exhale completely four times
Notice your breath as it moves in and out
Gently bring to mind the mistake or moment you want to release, observe its weight without judgment
When you’re ready, say to yourself: “I’m allowed to be imperfect, I am not my worst moment.”
Repeat as you visualize your burden dissolving and floating away, then inhale deeply and as you exhale, say to yourself:
“I am worthy of forgiveness. I am always growing. I am enough.”
If you, someone you love or someone in your network needs support while navigating through self-forgiveness, The Recovery Coach NY is here to help. Our team of Mental Health Coaches and Companions listen actively, without judgment, while providing solution-oriented actions that can put you on the path to peace. Learn about the benefits of working with a Mental Health Coach by having a confidential conversation with Cindy via phone at 631-921-4085 or reach her directly via email here.
We provide Mental Health Support & Coaching, Recovery Support & Coaching, Sobriety & Mental Health Companionship, Accountability & Executive Function Coaching, Academic Coaching, Scholastic Support, Case Management, Safe Transport, Psychedelic Integration Coaching, Intervention and Emergency Services. For more information about our services, visit our website.
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