The grief over a loss and the mix of emotions that comes with it can feel overwhelming. Whether it’s the passing of a loved one, dismissal from a job, or the end of a relationship all loss involves change and can have a profound impact on your mental health. During this difficult time it’s important to grant yourself the space to process your feelings, to get it all out. A good way to do that is to write it all out.

Traveling through grief is a unique journey on a roller coaster of emotional ups and downs. Keeping a grief journal can help you sift through those emotions by giving you an outlet to express your feelings and experiences. Journaling has been found to make positive change in both the psychological and physical effects of grief and can help to release the negative thoughts that may be holding you back from moving forward.

In their book On Grief and Grieving, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross & David Kessler introduced The 5 Stages of Grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Widely known as a way to give us some understanding of the grief process, these stages are responses to feelings and not meant to be an instruction manual for your grief. Each stage brings its own challenges and there’s no timeline as to how you will experience them. As Dr. Kübler-Ross said: “There is not a typical response to loss, as there is no typical loss. Our grieving is as individual as our lives.” It’s OK to go through any stage in your own time and in your own way:

  1. Denial: “This Can’t Be Happening To Me”

A defense mechanism to deflect the shock of loss, denial is how you protect yourself from the avalanche of overwhelming emotions.

  1. Anger: “Why Is This Happening To Me?”

As the reality of the situation sets in, your pain can surface as anger at yourself and others as you try to make sense of what happened.

  1. Bargaining: “I Will Do Anything To Change This.”

A perceived way to relieve the pain, bargaining allows you to believe that you can somehow gain control and relieve the guilt of “if only” thoughts.

  1. Depression – “Why Bother?”

The sadness that comes with unproductive bargaining, depression is a natural part of the healing process that stems from realizing your loss.

  1. Acceptance – “I Can Go On.”

An acknowledgment of circumstance, acceptance is the beginning of coming to terms with your loss, and your feelings, and moving forward.

Ease your way into journaling about your grief by using whatever method is most comfortable for you. Get a special book of blank pages or grab anything you have around the house for the classic putting pen to paper. If you prefer writing on your phone or tablet try out journaling apps like Day One or Journey to see which is the best fit. When thoughts are flying faster than you can write them down, consider audio journaling. Speaking out loud releases feelings as they come, and having a good rant can help lighten your emotional load. Most mobile devices have built-in recording apps you can use or you can try apps like OneNote or EverNote.

Once you’ve selected your genre it’s time to write, but knowing how to begin can be as confusing as your feelings. Spare yourself the worry about the words by making use of prompts: the questions to ask, statements to complete and ideas for activities that can help get you started:

  • Today I feel …
  • I feel better when I …
  • The things I miss most are …
  • What am I grateful for?
  • What coping skills and self-care practices work best for me?
  • Write letters of appreciation to the people in your support system.
  • Develop a plan for managing triggers that could lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms
    like substance misuse, gambling, or shopping.
  • Where have I felt grief lately?
  • What mantra can I use when I’m feeling overwhelmed?
  • I can forgive myself for …

Fill your journal with reminders to be patient with and kind to yourself. This is a time of upheaval, a difficult transition in your life that you can get through when you remember that grief isn’t something to conquer, but a companion we learn to walk beside.

If thoughts and feelings of sadness persist as you move through your grief you should Always seek the advice of a physician or mental health professional for an evaluation and help. You can also have a free and confidential conversation with a 988 Lifeline counselor any time, day or night, every day of the year. There are call, text and chat options for anyone in need of emotional support.

 

If this sounds like you, someone you love or someone in your network The Recovery Coach NY is here to help. Our team of Mental Health Coaches and Companions listen actively, without judgement, while providing solution-oriented actions that can begin to bring the peace you and your loved one seek. Learn about the benefits of working with a Mental Health Coach by having a confidential conversation with Cindy via phone at 631-921-4085 or you can reach her directly via email here.

We provide Recovery Coaching, Mental Health Support & Coaching, Sobriety & Mental Health Companionship, Executive Function & Accountability Coaching, Academic Coaching & Scholastic Support, Safe Transport, Case Management, Psychedelic Integration Coaching, Intervention and Emergency Services. To learn more about our services, visit our website.

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