Personal journeys are no walk in the park. Having the courage to face what’s at the core of our unease takes strength and resilience. As we travel we may stumble and criticize ourselves for falling or even taking the journey in the first place. Growth can be exhausting and it’s important to have a way to get back up and start again.

Practicing self-compassion can be that way. The American Psychological Association defines it as “a noncritical stance toward one’s inadequacies and failures.” Dr. Kristin Neff, preeminent expert on and pioneer in the study of self-compassion describes it as “an emotionally positive self-attitude” that has three main elements: mindfulness, humanity and kindness.

We’ve all been there. Made a mistake or focused a little too intently on perceived personal flaws and then proceeded to beat ourselves up over it. Having self-compassion gives us permission to accept mishaps and shortcomings as a part of life. We can get so busy trying to figure everything out that we forget to forgive ourselves for being human.

Mindfulness is a state of active, open attention to the present. A state that places your focus on what you’re thinking and feeling right now, not the regrets of the past or fears of the future. It’s a state of awareness where you can accept and acknowledge your thoughts and feelings without judgement.

The absence of judgment brings perspective, and acceptance, to what it is you’re going through. It takes practice to live in the moment but it doesn’t have to take a lot of time. Consider using one of the mindfulness apps to explore the ways you can do micro meditations and deep breathing exercises. Many have a place to journal, suggestions for beginners and settings for gentle reminders.

Feeling your feelings is not easy, and those feelings may lead you to think you must isolate in your distress. Part of being human is learning new lessons and one of those lessons is that you’re not the only one who is experiencing turbulence. Everyone gets down in the dumps, and realizing that you’re a part of that everyone can give you a sense of belonging and normalize those anxious feelings about yourself and your life.

Humans are fallible, we all struggle. Leaning in on that knowledge and allowing yourself to be vulnerable gives you the space to say OK, there it is, and it’s OK to feel this. Reaching out to friends, family, or a coach about your difficult experiences can ease the burden of shouldering your troubles alone and build the community we all need for help during tough times.

As the old saying goes, we are our own worst critic. There may have been a time that you thought something you did was the worst. You may have ruminated on it and how others were thinking about it even if it wasn’t the end of the world. It’s so easy to get caught up in our inner dialogue and the self-criticism that comes with it. Negative self-talk is a downer. Words have power and you have the power to change your self-talk language.

Choosing to use self-descriptive words with positive connotations is self-compassionate. Be aware of that critical inner dialogue and before you continue to call yourself more bad names ask yourself if you would say those things to a friend. Your answer most likely will be no, and that will be the impetus for you to reframe that dialogue into one that emits kindness and care for yourself. Next time you start to think “I was so stupid to do that”, switch it up to “I’ll do better next time”.

When you’re feeling down or overwhelmed you can release your resistance to appreciating yourself by taking what Dr. Neff calls a Self-Compassion Break. Like grabbing a cup of coffee or taking a walk it’s a gift you can give yourself to step into mindfulness, remind yourself you’re human and be kind to yourself.

Self-compassion is a big ask, especially if you’re in the habit of self-demonizing your every mood and thought. One way to take yourself out of that negative spin is to start your day with a good thought. Setting a positive intention to be kinder and more patient with yourself puts you on a better path for your personal journey. It will be your reminder to embrace the here and now, and your practice of self-compassion.

If you, someone you know or someone your work with could use a dose of self-compassion, reach out to Cindy via phone at 631-921-4085 for a confidential conversation about how one of our Mental Health coaches can help. You can also reach her directly via email here.

Whatever stage of mental health recovery you are in, whatever level of support you need, a member of the RCNY team can guide you through assessing your strengths and developing goals for next steps. The Recovery Coach NY honors all paths of recovery with years of experience and a vast array of resources that can support those in need find the way to the life of joy and purpose they deserve. We come with an empathetic ear and solution-oriented actions that can begin to bring the relief you and your loved one seek.

We provide Recovery Coaching, Mental Health Support & Coaching, Sobriety & Mental Health Companionship, Executive Function & Accountability Coaching, Academic Coaching & Scholastic Support, Safe Transport, Case Management, Psychedelic Integration Coaching, Intervention and Emergency Services. For more information and additional services, go to our website.

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