Restarting routines that come with fall can mean overbooked days and busy nights preparing for the next. Which means self-care can get lost in the shuffle. How can we possibly take the time to care for ourselves when there’s so much else to do? Feeling guilty about fitting in self-care can create a million excuses for why it’s more important to put the needs of others ahead of your own.

Those excuses may be the result of the negative attitude that self-care is just selfish pampering. As psychotherapist Ashley Elder told PsychCentral: “We are surrounded by overt and covert messages that encourage us to minimize our own needs and feel guilty when we engage in self-care.” Those messages can create the fear that “indulging” in self-care may make other people see us as unproductive or neglectful of all our other responsibilities. Think about that: other responsibilities. Your most important responsibility is to take care of yourself. Taking care of yourself is being productive, and the product is you.

It’s time to ditch the notion that self-care is self-indulgent. Putting yourself first is no easy task for the majority of us. We are taught that we need to give and to do for others, which is true. But what is left out of that equation is to give and to do for ourselves. Look at it through a lens of wanting to be there for your family, for your friends, for your work. That’s downright impossible when you are not relaxed and ready to handle whatever comes your way.

Self-care is an essential component of good mental and physical health and you are worthy of caring for yourself first. The first steps to achieving guilt-free self-care are small. Try starting with one thing that sounds so enticing you can’t resist – like getting some rest. Choose a quiet place where you can shut the door and just close your eyes for 10 minutes. When you open your eyes, gauge how you feel. Is it guilt, or is it relief? Go with the relief, and build on that to create a self-care plan.

Reflect on what self-care looks like for you and write it down. Putting together a list will make it real and provide a framework you can use as a jumping off point. Practicing self-compassion while developing your plan is a way to take the pressure off as you explore what it is you really want and how to make that viable.

Reorganize your schedule to prioritize self-care. It can take a minute to get comfortable with putting yourself first so ease into it. Consistency will create a habit and the more you do it the better you’ll be at it. Setting boundaries with assertiveness and kindness are crucial for maintaining a self-care regimen. Stand firm when someone attempts to cross the line into your self-care time by assuring them you’ll contact them when you’re available.

Sharing your feelings as you build a regular habit of self-care will help you sort through the process. A therapist, Mental Health or Accountability Coach can suggest coping skills and provide the encouragement you need to stay the course. Trusted friends or family members can be valuable assets when you need support. Staying connected with them on a regular basis can get you through difficult times.

Your self-care agenda will be fluid and change as you and your needs do. Once you’re in the groove you’ll be able to evaluate the effectiveness of your initial plan and either 1) stick with it since it’s working or 2) adjust it to better suit your needs. And if you fall out of the groove? You can assuage any guilt by acknowledging that the practice of self-care is a learning curve that ebbs and flows as you do. And just because you missed today doesn’t mean you can’t do it tomorrow. Or the next day.

Making time for yourself to do what you want to do is what enables you to successfully balance all the things you need to do. Do it for yourself, your family, your friends, your work. Do what makes you happy.

Does this sound like you? Someone you know or someone you work with? Struggling with self-care guilt can be a challenge to face on your own and the RCNY teams of Behavioral Health and Accountability Coaches are here to help. Whatever level of support you need, our coaches work with you to provide the coping skills and tools and techniques you need to get you on your guilt-free way. For more information have a confidential conversation with Cindy via phone at 631-921-4085 or reach her directly via email here.

Whatever stage of mental health recovery you are in, whatever level of support you need, a member of our coaching team can guide you through assessing your strengths and developing goals for next steps. The Recovery Coach NY honors all paths of recovery with years of experience and a vast array of resources that can support those in need find the way to the life of joy and purpose they deserve. We come with an empathetic ear and solution-oriented actions that can begin to bring the relief you or your loved one seek.

We provide Recovery Coaching, Mental Health Support & Coaching, Sobriety & Mental Health Companionship, Executive Function & Accountability Coaching, Academic Coaching & Scholastic Support, Safe Transport, Case Management, Psychedelic Integration Coaching, Intervention and Emergency Services. For more information about our services, visit our website.

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