By Kristen Bowe
In her book, Brené discusses at length the importance and significance of giving and receiving feedback that sometimes we may not want to give or hear.
Brené states, “Vulnerability is at the heart of the feedback process” whether the person is giving or receiving feedback. The importance of feedback is not about hurting the other person with blaming, name-calling or humiliating, but rather being constructive and honest with another person.
In order to do this, Brené approaches feedback with what she calls “the same side of the table approach”, which is giving feedback from a place of honesty and compassion. She used this sentiment when she created the Engaged Feedback Checklist:
“I know I am ready to give feedback when –
- I’m ready to sit next to you rather than across from you;
- I’m willing to put the problem in front of us rather than between us (or sliding it toward you);
- I’m ready to listen, ask questions and accept that I may not fully understand the issue;
- I want to acknowledge what you do well instead of picking apart your mistakes;
- I recognise your strengths and how you can use them to address your challenges;
- I can hold you accountable without shaming or blaming you;
- I’m willing to own my part;
- I can genuinely thank you for your efforts rather than criticize you for your failings;
- I can talk about how resolving these challenges will lead to your growth and opportunity; and
- I can model the vulnerability and openness that I can expect from you.”
How can you start to implement engaged feedback in your recovery process?
We can help develop strategies with you.